Monday, March 15, 2010

Sweardom

                                 There is nothing like doing something to perfection. Like laying a table for instance. Everything’s neatly arranged and the sheets are bleach clean. You start serving and that’s when you accidentally spill one drop of greasy gravy onto the spread. That pleasant ‘all is well’ piano bgm playing in your mind stops abruptly, your smile snaps off instantly and you go “Aww @#$%$#%^$^” You swear. And yes that’s the same thing you do when the milk goes sour, the dig bites a chunk off the paper, there’s graffiti on your car window, peak traffic, your boss is early, your pen refuses to ink on the night before an exam, you are happy dancing in your room and hit the bedpost hard and on and on…Life is cynical and it is true what you wish for happens. Why would someone want to hit the bedpost, you ask me. Exactly. No one does. But it does happen and your mind knows there’s a lapse of control and it snaps.

                                 That little fact fuels your anger and you let out steam with a well-meant fully powered swear! This is a human being’s way of making it clear that he was in no way responsible for what happened and he’s as defeated and perplexed as you might be when taken unawares. In addition to the above stated obvious swearing also stems from frustration, impatience, boredom, defeat, irritation and any other unpleasant state of mind you can add to that list. This would explain your reaction to that imbecile who never gets anything you say, a computer prompt that gives an estimated 5 hours of download time for a movie you desperately want, the same prompt that shuts down after 99% download with an error message, when you wait for a long time to meet someone who isn’t going to turn up, a colleague who kisses up to the boss or a loud death metal song next door when you are trying to read.

                                 Like it or not everyone swears. Some swears are international while some are personalized. Common swears you might hear are probably ‘shoot’, ’crap’, ’WTH’, ’WTF’, the F-word, the S-word, ’SOAB’, ’goddamn’ and a whole lotta combinations of these basics!

                                Man has sworn for eternity. He did in the past – from grunts to grrrrrrr in the caves, he does now – you can Google for every one of those swear words replete with dialect versions(!) and he will in the future – maybe something like ‘in the stinking name of superconductivity’ or ‘ son of radioactivity’ :P.

                                A phrase I read somewhere says anger is one letter short of danger. True both ways – whether you explode into an uncontrolled reaction at the source of your anger or if you are an amateur at meditation and try to hold it in. It would only come out stronger later. So maybe swearing for a moment to vent out isn’t bad after all… (It is better indeed to learn to dissipate your anger).

                                Did I just write an article about swearing??

The Green Water bottle

                      After an hour of roaming in the streets a little after noon last week, I came home visibly tanned and perfectly cooked like a sausage in a microwave. My eyes were taking their own time to adjust out of the bright sunlight and I was sweating enough to supply the Cauvery delta with salt water. The cap I wore was steaming and the ceiling fans were on a vow of slow-motion. Summer is finally here and as much as I love it, it comes with its own non-negotiable perks. The constant thirst for instance.

                     As I sat fanning myself with a newspaper my mother brought me a lifeline – the green water bottle. No, that’s not the name of a Booker. That’s what I like to call the watermelon. God must’ve been one heck of a thirsty Guy when he created the melon. Men owe Him a big thank you for this fruit that springs up when Mr. Sun decides to hand out rays of early summer.

                     With a thick shell to block out the hard sun, the melon packs a burst of water within its red confines. So much that the water can’t wait till you take a bite…half of it is already out by the time you cut open the big guy. If you are in a big hurry to quench your heat like I was the other day you wouldn’t mind digging into a huge piece allowing the red chunks to melt in your mouth, run down your throat, until steam billows from your ears and your body cools down leaving a bunch of seeds in your mouth, your nose and chin wet from the bite.


                     If you are the melon crazy type like I am at other times, then you would sit with your mother as she carefully slices open the green guy and cuts away the red portions de-seeds them and drops them into a bowl….or at least intends to but that piece has long made its way into your tummy and a while later poor Dad has only two pieces left for him (grabbed artfully from you by Mom before you gobbled it up)!!

                     If you are the I’m-lazy-to-chew type then you would love a melon squash with a dash of mint and a few drops of lemon and if you are a toddler the green shell would make a nice crown to play with! This wonder fruit and his brothers (the musk melon packs a mini-ocean inside) are one of the reasons why summer is fun! A cheap, healthy and natural way to beat the heat. Now, when I venture into the heat knowing there’s a green water bottle back home…I would dare say “bring it on!!!” Happy summer! :)