Sunday, October 24, 2010
I was their poster boy for a long time now but I guess things change and expectations change as well. I remembered the time that I first started working here. I was a prestigious catch back then and everyone was pretty exited. Like they are about him now. I was absolutely terrific with what I did and became a favourite pretty soon. I was offered exclusive care and protected like treasure. I had my own technician and both of us had celebrity status. I was off limits to anyone who didnt know me well and was a symbol of pride.
As time went by I settled in and people settled around me. There were more hands controlling me and still more inquisitive to. My job grew demanding and I was working at full capacity everyday. somehow even that was sometimes not enough. I took it to be the consequence of the world spinning faster everyday and science having to spin twice as much. Dozens of students wanted to avail my expertise and the volume they wanted analysed grew like the pile of dust accumulating in an unattended lab cabinet.
Sometimes my convinction and need to please has gotten the better of me and I remember once that I broke down due to over work. But samples found me immediately when I was up and about and I understood they had missed me. Which later I learnt was only because their reports were due. I had been wondering ever since if I mattered only as a source of data or if my potential was truly appreciated. I consoled myself that I was still the only one they relied on to proceed with their work because I was undoubtedly the best. Which is why it felt like a lightning bolt had landed on my detectors when I heard of his arrival. There had been a constant buzz about it for a long time now and the excitement has reached a feverish pitch since he arrived finally. I thought he was one of my own, a second but then I learnt he was better infact unmatchable in every aspect. I felt inadequate. It wasnt something I could change about myself. I am who I am. They would crowd around him now and be told that he is the best. He would get looks of admiration and they would feel the immense power vibrating through him. Yeah...been there done that. But he would experience all that anyway. Once he begins working my workload would come down. I would've thought a year ago that was a good thing but now it mildly hurts when I think I wont be the centre of attraction anymore. Afterall I am only second best.
I wished I could tell him all this. Look at his snobby face and that overconfident smile he must be sporting and feed him with the truth that he might be better but not irreplacable. I wished I could tell him that its the jinx of being new and that it would fade away eventually. But I couldnt tell him that his people would come back to me one day. That wouldn't happen unless he shuts down. I sighed. I didnt want to wish bad things for him. This was inevitable afterall. They would take me apart and put me back in a room next to him. I braced myself to witness the queue outside his door and the squeals of admiration he would be recieving. I wondered if my technician would leave me too. I realized I would indeed be alone. I couldnt afford to become upset over facts.
The door to my lab opened and in walked the girl I had seen in the morning. The one that needed a deliberate dose of luck with her work. She looked around checking if anyone else was inside. Inspite of my reverie I knew she shouldn't be here alone. She hadnt signed the log either. She walked barefoot on the cold floor and came up to me. 'Hey' she said. 'I am probably mad for coming here and talking to a machine like you but I just wanted to let you know something. I dont know if you heard about the new Transmission electron microscope they've purchased. Everyone is so hyped about it. They are going to teach us about it and all...and maybe you know ask us to analyse our samples with it...Iknow its really superior and high resolution and all that but...when I came here I was really nervous about my work and I remember the first time I ran a sample with you. The sphere size was nowhere close to what I wanted but I was fascinated with the image you gave me. It was something I had never seen...only read about and watching it for real was amazing. In some mysterious way my fears were gone and I was intrigued and pushed myself to work deeper into my topic. You were my first contact with microscopy at a really cooler level and no matter what higer version they bring in my thesis will contain pictures that you took for me and you'll always remain special to me...okay?'. She looked around nervously again making sure no one else had heard her and left after giving me a meanningful look.
Technically I am not supposed to cry because water is dangerous to my system but metaphorically I did. I wasnt just as assembly of nuts bolts and displays. My ability had actually meant something to someone. To a lot, I told myself. They just didnt come in here and speak out like she did. Happiness swelled in me and if you had a keen eye you could see my LEDs glowing brighter because I was smiling. I heard a voice outside saying 'I will be with the SEM for a while. Got two samples'. More work and I was willingly game for it. A guy entered pushing the door open and as it closed back a ray of light caught the white lettering on my door - Scanning Electron Microscope
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I am dull and totally bored
The clouds above are in dark mode
The dragon flies are out and so is the toad
I think of the season that flew by
Summer Now so dusty and so dry
A season that brought me joy and with it change
And sorrow too of a different type and a different range
Summer Past was long but fast
It was she who helped me find myself at last
She came loaded with fun rife
And change she did a huge part of my life
And then came winter with his cold
Thrusting me into a hard and difficult mould
For the person I was, a go-getter
He proved to me summer's choice could've been better
My head reeled under pressure
Too much was expected here even when I was a fresher
People convinced me life after graduation was a bottle of coke
But here a large part of it was a cruel joke!
It was summer now who bought me time
A whole month for me to call mine
She made me see the pink side of things
So happy was the part of me that sings!
Summer Now brought me with the challenge face to face
Of having to survive a tough task with intelligence and grace
She brought in work for both my body and mind
Loving she was but with experience not so kind
With her I learnt to ask for what I need
Of how things flow and change with every tiny deed
I leanrt to draw on my canvas and paint it too
And thats why my future looks so pretty and has a pleasant hue
Now two summers have gone by
Since I decided to fly from home high
The draft is ready to flow in
And am trying to stay afloat and away from the din
I look to the skies and am hopeful
The days will once again become breezy and soulful
For that time draws near
When Summer Next will be here
With summer next I will get my freedom
And work my way up to stardom
I will close chapters on life on my own
And maybe start hunting for a drone!
With Summer Next my music will grow
Inside me and through a guitar it will flow
And with a vengeance I will sweat my brow
To shape myself up and earn back my glow
With summer next my pen will scribble
From the dams of my heart in a steady dribble
What colors I found all along
Who I am and where I belong
With summer next I will be bound no more
I will not let myself land again anywhere sore
Away from fibres, spheres and pore
I will hunt for my yelp and my roar
So there she is Summer Next
Growing in my heart and in text
Sowing seeds of happiness and hope
Like does on christmas night the Pope
Now is what I have
Then is what I had
I wait patiently with drums
To sing my own anthem when Summer Next comes!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
I've always wondered why its men who lay down the rules for women. From humor to satire its always the ladies who have to take the axe. This thought grew on me today as I was listening to one of ARR's hits - Sentamizh naatu tamizhachiye. The music no doubt was awesome..the singer brilliant beyond doubt (RIP). The lyrics by Kaviarasu Vairamuthu suited the plot perfectly. Agreed. BUT that song has become sort of dictionary to refer to how and how not a woman should be, in numerous talk shows and the like. How come men dont get told how they should be?
Well...I tried my hand at answering that question..and here goes. My remake of that song...rewritten for men. The words are not song-perfect like Kaviarasars but I got in what I wanted to say...if there are rules..they are common to everyone!
sentamizh naatu tamizhmagane vetti aniya thayanguriye
mohanlaluku pakkathu stateil western wearil alayiriye
manaivi mattum kanavendiya boxersai
loosefitting jeansil kaaturiyeeee
tamizh pesum naatil porandhavandhane
erichala kaata 'shit' edharku?
sutham seiya marina irukka
adhe kadarkarayil kadalai edhukku
patta kara vecha pattu vetti irukkayil
kalloori vizhavil suit edharku
kathiri veyyil koluthum kodaiyil
t-shirtku mel innoru shirt edharku?
aanmai enbadhu 'arms' la mattum illa
anbilum irukkunu therinjukkanum
kudumbamum manaiviyum nagaichuvai porul alla
purinju neeyum nadandhukkanum
bore adicha pengalukku neeyum arivurai seivadhai niruthikkanum
sondha kaalil uzhaithu neeyum single aga jeithidanum
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
They would look at cows on the road grazing away lazily, birds on the trees singing and pruning themselves and go 'wow! look at them...not a care in the world! wish life was so easy'. From their point of view - you did'nt have to wake up every morning to go to school or college or work, no boring lectures, terrible assignments, dreary project work, sick boss, lousy timetables, powercuts, relationships, heartbreaks and on and on...
I cant help but smile when I see that they dont understand the irony they are sighing about! Because I feel pity when I see a cow out of my window and know that all she does in a day is eat, sleep, feed her calf, supply milk and poop! While I wake up to a hectic schedule everyday, go through a mileu of emotions, sleep in boring classes, chat with friends online, eat a horde of stuff apart from my lunch box, listen to my favourite songs, fight with my best friend, attend birthday parties and dance in sleepovers. and when am done I wake up to yet another bizarre day!
That is a huge gift you wouldnt appreciate unless you were a cow or a bird looking at you and going 'sigh...these humans...they have so much to do rather than just wake up early, dodge a bunch of predators, hunt all morning for food, listen to these male birds singing crap to get me to choose one of them, hunt for evening food, find a nest to hide from owls at night and wake up tomorrow if am alive to another equally boring day...unless am the lead charcater in some Indian author kids book! I have a hard time!
Life is a big blessing. Am not a preacher. No prizes for guessing which of those schedules above sounds fun. Am glad am human and get to enjoy all that I have...well..a pair of wings would help get to college faster but...am happy..just the way I am :)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
The title sounds funny does'nt it? Then imagine how it would sound if your toothpaste were to have that as a name. But 5 of us girls would buy every tube of paste if it were named that. Afterall it was something that earned us gangsta status in senior school :)
Well..well.. am talking about an Adzap competition that a bunch of us (mirna, gayatri, preethi, lavanya and I) won hands down at an inter-school cultural fest during our sophomore year at senior school. I still can't stop smiling when I think of that day.
We got together at the last moment..as a team and worked out a framework for the act..am still stunned at how I picked up toothpaste as an example to explain the rules to my girls and how we ended up having to sell exactly that to the crowd!!! Preethi and I almost scaled the ceiling jumping when we picked up the lot.
5 minutes is all we got to rise to fame and rise we did in absolute style...what with Gayatri doing a Nambiar act and a TR limerick thrown in...it was no surprise the whole school turned up to watch us in spite of the bell signalling the end of recess resounding in the distance. We had the audience laughing their heads off!
When the results were announced they just told us plainly that we won OBVIOUSLY! :) Hearing a crowd of people screaming out your name (the name of your school in this case) when the judges go ' any guesses for the 1st place' is something any performer would trade anything for. We were lucky enough to experience that!
We won the prize alright..but more than that I loved what I experienced that day - team work, friendship and pure talent that only the gifted possess..my girls showcased just that...flawlessly!
There was another thing that was ultimately special. We were the only team comprised entirely of girls and we raced up to number one over an all - guys team. The judges came up to talk to us and asked what had inspired us to give such a wonderful performance...I would remember our answer to eternity - "its generally thought that comedy is a man's forte. we wanted to prove women could do it equally well too" :)
Love u girls...and miss those wonderful days of stage play....the best times of my life!!! three cheers to MiLaPaNeGa
P.S - MiLaPaNeGa is an acronym for Mirnalini, Lavanya, Preethi, Nethra and Gayatri :)
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Maybe because its the only thing that's easy on your pocket and worth every bit...or should I say spoon. And it comes with a perk. There's one flavour every day. It goes like this :
Monday - manathakali
Tuesday - thoodhuvalai
Wednesday - mudakkathan
Thursday - vallarai
Friday - poondu
Saturday - vaazhathandu
Sunday - mushroom
Okay am not using this chance to dish out the choicest of swears...those are names of herbs and spices that are added to the soup one per day. Its a fact though that the soups either look a beautiful green or a dull grey no matter what you presume to be added to it. I've mastered the art of reciting the menu so much that people actually call me up to verify if they got the day's soup right. Am known rightly as the soup-paithyam. Justified because when others demand Temptation bars, beers and multi cuisine treats for birthdays I plainly ask for soup!!!
Its a refreshing art...the art of drinking soup...after a realllllly tiring or dreadfully boring day in college getting back to a cup of hot steaming concotion that indulges ur taste buds and prepares you for the late night movie you are going to watch on your laptop...ahhhh bliss!
P.S 1: there are also 2 other daily flavours - the vegetable and mooligai (a mixture of medicinal herbs)
P.S 2: i told you the lady is pretty sweet so if you are in the mood for a mix go ahead...stir up all three flavours of the day :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I met up with a bunch of kids (sighh..ok..am an adult) my very distant cousins. Two of them were 'graduating' from kindergarden and one was in the 5th grade. I was walking around the sanctum with one of the UKG graduates :P (who is a sweet bundle of cuteness and goes by the name of Anandavalli :)).
She told me she was very close to the temple and the deity and has been visiting 'right from when she was a kid'. Her tone was very serious and she implied that her tryst with the temple was THAT long! She wasnt sure I understood how important a member she was at the temple. So she said...'I've been visiting since my U...K...G...'. like UKG was smthg she did before getting a double post doc and the nobel :P.
I was terminally amused at what she was saying...rolling on the floor of my gut laughing at her innocence. But a part of me ( hey I agreed am an adult ) longed to be so carefree...so innocent and full of life. To ask questions that are very fair but to which no adult wld have replies...to sing at the top of my lungs and get lauded equivalent to ARR for my scream...sigh....kids!!! good times...good times!!! :)
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
you click on someone's profile
there's the Poke X icon
you click on it
thats when you recieve the most threatening message you could ever have faced : You are about to poke X..he will be informed about this on his homepage
Things around me started to go into slow motion...my past flashed before my eyes...I felt like a warrior on the Indo-Kargil border about to make a decision that would change my life!
With a nervous trembling finger I hit poke
I thought something huge would happen with smileys and graphical images appearing all over my screen...my id getting blocked by my college server...and I was gearing up for the worst...
There was a prompt on my screen
You have successfully poked X
Not even an OUCH???
I realized the obvious : AM SERIOUSLY JOBLESS AND ABSOLUTELY INSANE...
Whats the point of the whole poke idea?? vetti 1 telling vetti 2 that am vettier than you are at this instant???
Now I wonder : 1) why did a dozen friends torture me into joining FB a congested version of orkut??
2) why did I accept the invites?? :P
3) why am I a regular now??
Well my 'realization' pretty much answers question 3...coming to think of it now...one sweet cousin of mine put me up to it...for some reason long forgotten...scrabble I guess...(dont worry you still are one of my favourite cousins! :P)
P.S - 1: as with the step by step poke experience...if you can put up with something as @#@^%$# as poke, you wld infact call the instructions intellectual
P.S - 2: the finger image that appears for poke is distantly funny....
Monday, March 15, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I was standing at my window talking to the stars (Yes. The night sky is my best friend and I talk to stars). Suddenly there fell this bright one from the sky…rather across the sky – one that is known as a shooting star! Now, this fellow is supposed to be rare to appear or at least rare to spot unless you have quick reflexes. So legend associates magic with him and the simplest form of it is that when you spot a shooting star you are granted a wish.